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I Don't Wanna Fall Another Moment Into Your Gravity
Saturday, September 10, 2011
We're going down, and you can see it too, we're going down, and you know that we're doomed. Set me free, leave me be, I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am, and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me. You loved me cause' I'm fragile, when I thought that I was strong. But you touched me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
I blame myself fully. I break everything. My life, my friendships, my relationships, myself. I break everything, I know that. I can't control it. I was googling if it's possible to fall out of love suddenly. And I came across a few comments ; - If you feel there's no magic left then you have to stop the relationship.
- People grow and change in different directions, and there isn't anything you can do about it.
- What if you grow and change in a different direction as your partner? Then what, you become two totally different people than you were when you first met, and your relationship then becomes different.
- Less intimacy, less friendship, less communication, until one of you does something like cheat to feel that "spark" you once had.
- It can be hard to let someone go that you've been with for a while, but you will be doing yourself more justice leaving if that is what it comes down to.
But maybe it's not about the sparks, what if it's because of acceptance? I've never said anything, my family don't accept me of being a les or a bi. They'll disown me. And I think my dad knows about it somehow. Because when you message, it appears on the top. And my dad always takes my phone to check stuff. So he saw the message and he probably knows I'm up to something but he doesn't say anything. I can't bear to leave my family because we're really close. And my family is important to me.
She never did anything wrong, like I said. I blame myself. I just don't feel that spark anymore. I have to stop trying for love. It just hurts. It's hurting me real bad. I'm stronger, yes. But I'm more insecure. And it's fucking killing me inside. I'm guessing you told her about it, because you're the only one I told to last night. I don't blame you, I don't blame anyone, but me. I'm just a heart breaker. Remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go. Have to let it go.
I'm sorry I'm breaking your heart real bad. But please understand my situation. I can't go on like this. I'm going to break. I feel like killing myself. Finding ways to hurt myself. I can't do this anymore. But I appreciate the love, you can leave me now. I'll be okay eventually. I'll dissolve when the rain pours in, when the nightmares take me. I will scream with the howling wind, cause it's a bitter world I'd rather dream. I hate reality. Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't wanna live there. I'm sorry for turning you, it's also my fault & responsibility. I shouldn't even have tried again. Hopefully, I won't ever. But really, who likes me anymore? I hear you all always talking about guys, and I'm sitting there like, what am I doing in my life? I'm jealous. I'm so fat. Who would like me really?
Anyway, I'm sorry. And if you wonder for the past 11:11s, I've been wishing you'd get over me. I'm sorry, I need to be honest. You can leave my life, it's okay.
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3:54 PM
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