Hi so today's cath class.. Brother Justin visited us for the last time. He used to be a catechist then he decided to become a priest, so he's undergoing training. Before class ended, he asked some people if they're okay. And everyone was like fine. Then I thought to myself. I'm not. I'm not fine. So we prayed. I cried. Life has been hard. Really hard for me. I'm still afraid.. of letting people down. I feel hopeless. But prayer.. it helps. I realised that I really have to pray more often. I don't want to be scared anymore. Scared of him, especially. It taunts me. He has really brought my to my lowest point till I feel like I have no more strength to get back up. It's pathetic. He's pathetic. Why is he so unfair to me. Sigh, the world is unfair. But what is it that's gonna make it fair.
Teacher Gabriel said to remember what we've learnt during the retreat. I guess I haven't been remembering it. Life is difficult, that's why I forgot why I'm even here. It feels like the whole world is crashing down on me. I feel like I'm not good enough. Not good enough for anyone. The theme was Emmanuel, God Is With Us. Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening to me. I'm waiting for something good to happen. I've never been a happy girl. Maybe on the outside, but not on the inside.
So I've decided, I'm going to pray more. I need all the strength I can get. I know I'm going to go through a whole lot of shit for the next two terms. Need the strength to just carry me and move on. I want to overcome my fears. I want to do my best for everything.
Dear God,
Please give me the strength. Help and guide me in whatever that I do. When times are hard, please help me to get back up. I've been falling and falling, but I'm nowhere near to getting up. People have been bringing me down and it's been difficult to get back up again. I need the strength.
Amen.